Ravens

I'm not a fan of all-nighters. Never was. Never will be. There are times when they are necessary, but when they aren't, I can see the appeal. I tried my first one in a long time on sunday night which ended with me being sleepless for about 48 hours. Not the least impressive but sleep was out of the question due to unwanted obligations.

The appeal I mention earlier comes late, around 4am or so, when sleep is no longer an option. By now you have been juiced with caffeine, you have accepted the fact that whatever else needs to be done is going to have to wait until morning, and you are all alone. It feels strange for me to try to describe it, but at this point you experience a moment of clarity, unlike anything you can achieve during full consciousness during the day. I would even say it is a completely different world, comepletely separate from the real world, one whose doors open when you are by yourself and your mind is unable to grasp the concept of time. Time of the day, passing of time, moment of time. And your responsibilities and insecurities; gone.

Before this might have been a stage far more primal and animalistic. One in which you are reduced to your most instinctive needs, whether it is to sleep, eat, mate or kill. Your mind was clouded by hunger then, but now your mind is all you have. And you reason with yourself and think, that your mind is really sufficient at that moment. There is really no desire for anything else. This was surprisingly refreshing, something that I have not felt in a long time. Like I said, your existence in the real world has nothing to do with the you in this current state of mind. Thoughts that you struggle to construct come to you freely now.

Your demons come to talk to you. And unlike usual, their arrival is quite comforting. So you talk back, because this opportunity is one that rarely presents itself when you are awake. Not that you're not awake. You talk to yourself too. And you realize that you are actually quite fond of yourself. That you are just fine. That heck, you'll do. No need to try to be better than what you are. Of course this changes when the sun returns.

You talk to God. You don't ask him for answers, you don't ask him for anything at all. And you can feel His happiness as your conversation goes on. You don't feel guilty about anything though. There are no starving orphans, no Haiti, no grieving mothers, that's in another world. I guess the only way to describe your feelings are happy and sad at the same time. This is different from what you might experience at a graduation, or ending a vacation. It is a gut-wrenching sorrow mixed with utter satisfication, altogether comforting.

It seems very foreign and different recalling it now. I can remember most of it, but the emotions and state of being are off. When you wake into the real world (without having gone to sleep) and people begin to appear on the streets, it is all too foreign. Sitting in class and going to work, you wonder if it's really there. Takes a while to adjust. Then it comes back slowly. What you want. What you don't want. But more clearly, like seeing it for the very first time. And before everything else in the world forces itself back into your being, you know.

...

In other news, I enjoyed the stupefying experiencing of watching Utada Hikaru perform live at the legendary Fillmore in The City. My favorite female artist of all time, another artist I have been following for a decade now, at my favorite venue in the world. I was actually surprised by how different and better her music is live. Easily the second best concert I've ever witnessed. And she just goes at it, one after another. Also a very easy and heartwarming personality too. ...THE PIER!!! The crowd loves her. And she loves SF, and not LA. I wasn't able to get a press pass for this one, so no photos. Video definitely wouldn't do her performance justice, but here is one from two years ago on a bigger stage although I feel it was better this time in SF. Kremlin Dusk is a favorite among her english songs. Very emotional, look out for a little after the 3 minute mark. Ignore the dress.

Aftershock

Throw an egg on it.

Relief

If you remember my first ever post on this journal, I commented on the child slavery crisis in Haiti. Last weeks earthquake has truly shattered a nation that was already on the course of destruction, set by itself and its history. Although this is nothing less of a tragedy, I can't help but feel a certain sense of relief upon further reflection. Perhaps it is me being heartless, or perhaps I believe that this earthquake has freed many from a life of torture and bondage. You can ask how I can say such things but I can't help but see the good that God has brought out of this. This does not in any way change the sorrow I feel for an island that i have dreamed of visiting for 2 years. There are many efforts being made to bring aid. As for myself, I have a small amount through worldvision.org. Furthermore, there is a petition going around to cancel the debts that Haiti holds with other countries at one.org/us/.

Resolved

2009 ties 2007 for being the 2 best years of my life but 2009 wins hands down in terms of focus and achievement. Big things are gonna happen this year, whether good or bad. But my resolutions are:

No holds barred.

No surprises.

Good night, I'll be leaving you soon.

Christmas

Following up that time of the year again when we celebrate the birth of Christ 6-7 months before we are supposed to. Christmas isn't about gifts. But you still get them. A few hours after I land at SFO, I'm back on a plane for a one-way flight to Seattle. Same as it is every Christmas.

I know what you're thinking. But calm down. These are for my brother. Thank you GOODS Seattle for the hookup. I appreciate the heart too, I'll remember that.

You know those returns you get from using your American Express card? I used them all on books; including another copy of Norwegian Wood and The Language of Things by Deyan Sudjic (he's the director of the Design Museum in London, and a professor at the Royal College of Art).

A closer look at the Porter tote I mentioned last post from my co-workers at btf.

man Kanye, even ya superficial shit be super official

Sayonara Jyanai

I'm sorry for the drought. But given the fact that I only had a few weeks left in Tokyo, it was only natural that I kept my schedule quite busy. I will be sure to do some backtracking sooner than later. The long drawn out process of meeting and exchanging farewells with everybody who made my stay exceedingly pleasant is definitely a sad one.



My coworkers at btf bought me a Porter bag for Christmas. I was so surprised. On the last day boss Aoki took us out to dinner at a nice tonkatsu restaurant in Ueno. After that was a kickback at the most ridiculously cool whiskey bars I have ever seen. A mix of hard cold russian interior with traditional Japanese touches. I don't think they served much else besides whiskey.

I think it is only right for my design career to kickstart in none other than Tokyo, one of the design capitals of the world. I get a strange but welcome feeling here, knowing that success is inevitable, but that everything is done for me. Perhaps that's only something I can understand for now.

A few days ago, I tried cooking mexican for the Iino family, my adopted family in Japan. I dont think I did so well, but they seemed to enjoy it. The Japanese are actually great actors when it comes to real life. I already know that I am going to miss them the most and really hope that they come to visit me soon. They better do so soon, because they can't seem to stop giving me things and I need a chance to return the favor. Another highlight was my boy Andrew and his brother Allen who dropped by from spending his break in Taiwan. It's been about a year and a half but nothings changed. Same in Tokyo as it was in Taipei.

Tonight being my last night, I got taken out to dinner by the Koyamas to a restaurant in Iidabashi, apparently an old geisha district, and had delicious Udonsuki. I'll be seeing them again for sure. And of course I didn't end my last day without final visits to Harajuku and Aoyama. I will miss you Tokyo, and yes I know you love me. さよならじゃない、まったね！

Shonan

Shonan beach, where the oni-baku duo held it down back in the day. I can only wish for a taste of the motorcycle gang lifestyle that ran this city. Of course I wasn't planning on leaving Japan without paying a visit myself. Just an hour train ride away from downtown Tokyo for sunshine and surfboards. Remind you of somewhere?

Are you reading this Jayceon?